1.) Your goals suck.
For those of you who don’t make it through the rest of the article, I thought I’d plant this one right at the top for your viewing pleasure. This is probably the single-most important reason out of this entire list, because even if everything else is right, but your goals aren’t, your life will suck.
If you don’t have the right vision of what your future should look like, you will have the wrong goals, and, in turn, set yourself up for failure.
Many of us have the wrong idea of what our goals should look like and we base it off of our current world view.
We believe that a “good life”is one, single, continuous orgasm. You want leisure, travel, vacations abound, beaches, sunshine, cocktails, money, wealth, status, the instagram bod, cotton candy, rainbows and the pot-luck of gold to boot. If your idea of a happy life is a constant state of bliss…ironically, that’s why you’re unhappy. It’s unrealistic.
All jokes aside, I’m not saying you can’t achieve great things. You can and should. Actually, I believe it’s your personal responsibility to do so. Just make it make sense. And remember that the 24-hour-big money-big prizes-Vegas-show also comes with a big crash and a big reality hangover. Instead of chasing flashing lights and prestige, if you chase goals that are meaningful and serving your soul and not your ego, you will be fulfilled as a result. But since this isn’t the whole pie, and just a slice, keep reading.
2.) Your beliefs suck.
This one is huge. The biggest of the biggest hugeness. Maybe you don’t believe in yourself or maybe you do and you’re just scared. Either way, that brain is stuck in a feedback loop that says “I’m why we can’t have nice things around here”, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, blah-bluh-blah-bluh-blah…”
You compare yourself to the outside world, celebrities, Instagram, and the gurus, using fiction as your measuring stick. You don’t see the pain and trials behind the statuesque bodies and picture-perfect smiles. You assume that what others project is reality but it isn’t, even for the “enlightened ones”,… and the true teachers will tell you that. I promise you that Deepak Chopra looses his shit sometimes, has totally human emotions and temptations alike.
In addition to comparing yourself to impossible standards, you’re probably also super-amazing at gaslighting yourself. Allow me to demonstrate, “You should be thankful.”….” There’s always something to be grateful for. “….”First world problems…” ….”You should just be happy you have a roof over your head, at least you aren’t homeless”. Side-note, I was telling myself things like this when I was in a violent relationship. See the problem here? If we aren’t able to recognize our life for what it is, sometimes toxic, we will never be prompted to do anything about it.
There is no shortage of gurus and leaders telling you that you just need to “let it go”, “have gratitude”, “be positive”, “be in alignment with what it is that you want”.
The reality is, it’s really easy to espouse ideas like this when your bank account is overflowing and you’re afforded the luxury of traveling the world pompously lecturing desperate crowds to “be positive”, “chin up”, “just flow down stream”, “that’s resistance”, “not like that, like this”, “don’t be in resistance”. (looking at you Miss Esther Hicks and Tony Robins) * your privilege is showing.*
Don’t get me wrong, I still love Esther and Tony and always will. These teachers have immense value and have personally helped me and millions tremendously but what they are missing is the reality check that, here, in 3D, on Earth, fully awake and lucid, there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
The truth is sometimes your life actually kind of sucks, at least in the moment- and you’re totally allowed to see it for what it is. Don’t be shamed out of the anger you feel if your life sucks. You’re entitled to that. Instead let that anger light a fire under your backside. Let it drive you and motivate you to change. Anger can be a springboard for you.
If you want real change, it starts with your belief system.
Now that we’ve established what not to believe, what should you believe then? Believe this; You are human. You are a being full of contrast, richness, depth, joy, pain, sadness, fear, strength, foolishness, wisdom, loneliness…you get it. Growing and changing your life isn’t glamorous. Don’t allow yourself to believe you’re doing it wrong because you don’t look like an Instagram reel.
Change is messy. It has to be. Chaos gives birth to order.
So just allow space for both to exist and learn how to know the difference between the two and when they are in service to your path or not.
And don’t believe that the “good” path is only the one that tells you the “good” things, you know, the things you want to hear? Good coaches push you hard, good friends tell you the truth and the good path is sometimes painful. It’s painful because it means you have to be willing to see your own undistorted reflection and do something about the parts in need of repair.
Changing a sucky life isn’t for the faint of heart, so if you’re here, believe this too, that what you are doing is brave, admirable, the road less traveled and your decision to heal your life makes space for others to do the same.
3.) Your boundaries suck.
Yes, the sucky saga continues but it’s for your own good. You need to know this. If you have boundary issues, you have probably been parentified, groomed since childhood to be the parent. It’s likely you learned to suck it up, be the fixer, the doer, the reliable one, the one to save face and the first one to cave.
You’re likely the type of person to always put others first and while this is admirable, if it’s out of balance, you will become a foot stool for life.
Stop putting yourself on the back burner. You are not less important than anyone else.
Something at some point taught you that you are responsible for the happiness of others and that in order to be accepted and/or worthy of love, you had/have to make others happy. This often means neglecting you…your needs, your wants, your values.
If your boundaries are porous, you find it difficult to say “no” when you’re feeling “no”. And when your actions are out of alignment with your soul, your life will always be out of alignment with your path and your purpose. The moment you start saying “no” to others and “yes” to you is the day your life will start to turn around. It takes practice and time but the more you do it, the more space, energy and time you will create for you and your journey forward and damn, it feels good. The first time you say “no” to something you don’t want to do when you normally would’ve said yes is a rockstar feeling and it smells like freedom.
I was going to make this number 4 but it really ties into number 3, so I’ll combine this one with three even though it’s important enough for it’s own number.
You settle.
Is the world happening to you? Or are you happening to the world?
Do you allow your circumstances to make you a victim?
If you aren’t putting in the work, the research, the dedication and standing firm in your convictions, your life will continue to suck.
Not settling means not taking “no” for an answer when you know it’s the right thing and when you know it matters.
You can’t underestimate the impact of settling.
Settling means you gave up on you. You abandoned you.
Settling is such a weird one for me because while it seems lazy at times, I also feel it’s complex. It’s a boundary issue mixed with a responsibility issue and add a dash of fear of failure.
I have this theory that some settle because they find settling easier than risking having to be responsible, should anything go wrong. So they leave it up to The Universe, they leave it up to others and they leave it up to circumstance allowing their choices to be made for them, incidentally, by proxy, by default.
The cumulative effects of settling are so far reaching and bigger than you could ever imagine. Settling could cost you your success, freedom, ideal relationships, health, a home…Literally everything in your life either came to you by choice or lack thereof.
Check out my YouTube story time on how I saved my own life multiple times, because I refused to settle. *weird flex I know, but just trust me, it’s a good story.* https://youtu.be/q7E8Fjorf0c
4.) Your environment sucks.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
If your environment isn’t conducive to your personal goals, values and development, the story isn’t going to end well. You become the 5 people you are around most daily. Make those people your mentors, those who support you, empower you and are aligned with your path.
All too often this happens, someone goes to rehab, goes to the gym, starts working with a coach, or just creates a goal they want to achieve but then, they have to go home. And if “home”, ( friends, influences and living situation) isn’t healthy, implementing change is going to be next to impossible.
Yes, you have your willpower but if you’re in an abusive environment that is constantly trying to weaken your mind, or an environment where others are still drinking and you’re trying to stop, or maybe you told yourself it’s ok to have the same friends that still do drugs because you don’t anymore and you’re strong enough to say no…right? WRONG. This situation is a dog chasing its tail.
If you want lasting change, the environment has to change.
You can’t plant a flower in a garden of weeds and expect it to bloom, Love.
5.) Your actions and daily routine suck.
Pretty self-explanatory here. Get out of bed. No seriously, get UP! Make your bed. Take a shower. Comb your hair, brush your teeth and do something today that is going to make tomorrow easier. Obviously a routine is nice but Rome wasn’t built in a day, so slow down Sally. One day at a time. Just make sure you’re doing something everyday to work towards your goals and that you’re tracking your progress while also remembering, it’s not a race but it is a competition. You’re in competition with the old you, the old environment and the old life that sucks. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and won’t be, but you have to know you are putting in some effort everyday.
I believe firmly that The Universe, God, Jesus (insert deity) will meet you halfway. This is the caveat to manifestation. Part of the alignment process, is putting in the work to become the person you want to be and create the life you want to live.
*And for the stubborn ones who won’t get out of bed, here’s an awesome Tik Tok you can download and create an alarm with to motivate your butt to get out of bed. Time to get up and go do some “fricken awesome stuff”. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdDHjVvy/
6.) Your self-awareness sucks.
This one is going to hurt.
If you don’t think there’s any hope for you, you are attached to your ego and oddly, your problems. Sounds like it doesn’t make any sense but it does. Many of us make the mistake of making our problems our identity, it’s this weird form of clout chasing that seems totally counter-intuitive but it’s definitely a thing. Our problems give us something to blame, besides us for our sucky lives. They insulate our egos and protect our identity from the threat of change.
But, if you are truly in the interest of changing your life, you have to be willing to embrace the fact that once you change, so will your identity…and all the things you became so used to complaining about, making excuses about and seeking sympathy about.
What on Earth will you do if you solve your own problems? *gasp*
I know, I’m kind of a jerk. But I’m a spiritual jerk, there’s a difference. I get results because I tell you the truth that no one else will, and that is valuable. I want to know what my blind spots are even when it hurts, don’t you? So you can rest easy in knowing that I’m a special and useful kind of jerk. You’re welcome. (Also, full disclosure, I still complain too. I like to complain about others complaining. It’s complicated.)
Really though, if you are unwilling to take a sincere dive into your shadow self, your issues and your patterns and open yourself up to change, change isn’t gonna happen.
If you think your life sucks because you’re a victim and it’s everyone else’s fault and that it’s everyone else that needs to change, I’m here to tell you, that’s precisely why your life sucks.
7.) Your accountability sucks.
This ties into number 6. You have to be willing to not only see the parts you are responsible for (everything in your control), but you have to be ready and willing to do something about it. That means admitting when you have been wrong, acknowledging unhealthy coping mechanisms, recognizing where you’ve hurt others, put in the work and own up to your role in your current situation.
Personal development and evolution starts with personal accountability.
Accountability means you stop pointing finger at others and start pointing it at yourself, besides, even if others are to blame, at least partially, so what, there’s nothing you can do about their role. All you can control is you. So take care of your part, that’s where your power is.
8.) Lastly, many of you aren’t willing to do anything about any of the above.
You feel stuck, defeated, drained. I get it. But you have to have enough determination, to gather enough energy, even if it’s small, to start somewhere. Depression is giving up. It’s defeat. You hit a wall and I totally understand, I do (been there) but that wall isn’t actually a wall, it’s a fork in the road. And the choice is yours.
The biggest problem I see with the stuckness of the suckiness is that we have false perceptions, unrealistic goals, false beliefs, unhealthy boundaries, lack of accountability and a lack of meaning because we live in a false world that sold us false ideals.
We build up ideas of what “good” is, “healthy”, “happy”. You see someone else’s projected image on Facebook and confuse that picture with their reality. But it’s not.
We get these super polarized, black and white ideas of the world. Either it’s awful or amazing, good or bad, this or that. But these are false narratives.
The World is a spectrum of emotion, achievement, experience. It’s a school. We are learning. So let your trials refine you. Our failures ARE also our achievements when we allow them to teach us, show us what we don’t want and show us where we went wrong.
There is no “Once I get there”….You’ll always be “getting there”. That’s life. Life is a journey and we have to embrace the reality of it while also being willing to push ourselves toward our highest potential. We need to be in a constant state of cleansing. If you clean your house once, does it stay clean? If you’re driving down the road and it’s raining, can one swipe of the windshield wipers give you a clear view? No. Getting clear about our values, our vision, our goals and our path means being in a constant state of challenging, clearing and cleansing.
Real change needs to be based in real reality.
So start saying “no” to things outside your path and “yes” to things inside your path. Make that a priority, hold yourself accountable and don’t take “no” for an answer when you know it matters.
Life sucks sometimes. But it’s also pretty spectacular. A true miracle and gift. Sometimes it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Sometimes it’s two sizes too small and we can’t find the receipt for a refund, but those are just temporary moments. Life is a series of moments and those moments vary, for everyone.
You might feel stuck in that mud right now, but you’re surfacing and though the mud feels like it’s weighing you down, ironically, it’s preparing you, growing you, nourishing you. No mud, no lotus.
All right now that you’re a newly born, grown up, go have an un-sucky life and do what you know need to do. You know it better than the gurus.
The soul always knows.
Listen to it, your intuition (soul).
Let it take you. Let it guide you. Let it be your truth and your guru, it won’t steer your wrong.
Later, tater.